I Am Who I Am

So, when I first came here, I worried so much about not ever being able to fit in. I completely related to Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Eat Pray Love when she is talking about not having the right qualities to be a great traveler. She says, “First off, I don’t blend. Tall and blond and pink-complexioned, I am less a chameleon than a flamingo. Everywhere I go but Dusseldorf, I stand out garishly….I also have a shortage of personal coolness, which can be a liability in travel. I have never learned how to arrange my face into that blank expression of competent invisibility that is so useful when traveling in dangerous, foreign places. You know—that super-relaxed, totally-in-charge expression which makes you look like you belong there, anywhere, everywhere, even in the middle of a riot in Jakarta. Oh, no. When I don’t know what I’m doing, I look like I don’t know what I’m doing. When I’m excited or nervous, I look excited or nervous. And when I am lost, which is frequently, I look lost. My face is a transparent transmitter of my every thought.” That is soo me!!!! But, ironically, after so many years of my own insecurity and self consciousness, I have finally realized that I like who I am. I don’t want to change to fit in here. Even though people in my new neighborhood think I’m a complete weirdo because I smile and wave when I walk by, I’m going to keep smiling and waving. It’s just who I am. No matter what I do here, I won’t ever completely fit in—I mean, I’m tall, pale, and redheaded!!—but I’ve now realized that I’m okay with that. I’m just going to keep doing what I do, even with my world’s worst poker face, because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me! :o)